Dont Stop to finishing what you start

I am stubborn but i am not selfish.

I want to tell story about founding my real side.

In Senior High School time.

I always try to hugging my new friend when they were needed. I try to doing the same thing with them when i am junior high school. When i got a mad at them, i feel to hating them but then i thinking about time we always together, we spend a lot of time together. When i mad i just keep silent. i think my eyes can talk to people, give a statement “I am in the bad mood, go away!” And well, they have scary to see me. It is not what i want! I just want have my me time, i want have just thinking alone and feel peace.

I know while i was mad i can hurt people, not with phisically but i can hurt their heart. It’s more hurting and its forever. So i feel to go and alone.
But they are thinking i hate them a lot. I feel bad but i think it’s the best way. Ohlala they are miss understanding, oh damn i feel that they are thinking about me, thinking a lot of bad about me.
So i must let the angry go and must pending the “Me-time” it is not a good time. I cant have a “me time” while my friend thinking bad about me, how i can feel peace?

Me Time is Time when i just want to alone and thinking anything with peaceful

And i’m learning to be more patient. I cant lose my friend because i must have “me time”. I can do me time anytime and anywhere but the friendship is more important.

Since Senior High school i am more opened my mind. In Junior High School i am type friend that have good at listening and giving advice. That opinion it is not from me, its from my besties in Junior High school. They feel that in senior high school i’m changing.

Maybe i am changing because i have new friend and new school, so i must can to have a good adaptation. I know what make i am different, its because i wanted them to know me. I want some friend that can help me to solve my problem like i am helping them to solving their shit. I know they cant helping, just God can help me.

I must solve my problem by my self. It is my own problem so i must solve this alone! But of course i can solve this with easy. We must keep moving! I cant Stand a long time with my past.

When i solve this damn, i feel sad and feel too tired, i want to over this shit. It is easy to over all this damn.
But how about what i do? I venture this with all thing that i have. I must finish what i start!

I must have something to make me feel better when i have a sad thing that can not to say.

I wanted my friend can do the same thing that can i do to them. I want a friend a real friend that can hear my story, making me happy with laughing together. I can to tell my problem anytime to my friend but, Do my friend want to hearing me? Can they give a solve thing for my problem?

When i am trusting my friend to hear me telling about my problem, i always checking them with tell another story. I am checking that they are really a good listener or not?

Well when i started to tell the real story, story about my problem, they have tired to hear me. They are’nt there for me. I’m doing this shit for long time with different person but no one it is a good listener like me.

I cant to do point because what? yeah i just thinking they cant hear me tell my story till end. Just hearing! How about solving? Oh i know you cant do this, but I’m not forcing you to give advice. I just want to tellyou, want you hear me till end with well.

I had no clear reason why I so want to tell you this problem. But are not friends do not need a reason why I do strange things? Friends always understand it? Moreover the best friend. I have not a good relation with my parents or my sister. So for who can i tell this shit?

Since i am tired to find who can i tell my problem.

I deleted my mind about my problem. I always thinking that i am the most happiest forever after.

I think i am born to be a Good people that can listening and giving advice with well.

Especially for people type me, hemm The older bad one.
Now i conscious that i do mistake, thinking to find someone like me it is really hard. This is all my mistake starting. To changing me it is difficult to restore as before. The kind person that my besties said.

Now i am trying to be me. I think is hearing freak but hahaha what ever
I must changing again.
I am labil so i have changing be bad, but now i know that the real me is when i am junior high school.
I am sorry have a bad attitude. But i am promise to my self that i can changing to be me, kind side of me.
Thank you to tell me that i have changing be bad.

Thank you Irma and My lovely Oma you make me know that i have find my self just with easy.


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